Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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