Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
