oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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