FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
