i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
