Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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