She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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