You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
