All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
