I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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