He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We have started to decorate penises.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
