If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Randomize