this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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