just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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