You smell like a Billy Joel song
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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