You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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