Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
