She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
