I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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