whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
