So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
