you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
