no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
