im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
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Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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