i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
