Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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