Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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