I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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