Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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