Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
no you cant smoke seaweed
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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