No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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