Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Actions speak louder than pants.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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