hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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