Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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