Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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