I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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