Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
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Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
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What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize