i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
