Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How does it feel to date your dad?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
