Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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