Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
