He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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