UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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