yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
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I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
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Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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