there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
