I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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