You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
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Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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