i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Damn victory sex feels great
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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