Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
