I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
