break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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