I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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