Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
