i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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